A Coward Survives
by Hoobajoo
Summary: POEM: A man walks alone down the empty street, looking for the body of the one he let die. His mind scarred, he finds her bones sunbleached and charred, he asks for forgiveness, he asks her to try. A poem about moving on in a cutthroat world.


One foot after another, I walk down the empty street,

**New Life**

One foot after another, I walk down the empty street,

To where I saw you last, where you died on your feet.

Empty shells of former lives line the way to you,

Broken windows and dust and death, covered in a shadowed hue.

Glass crunches underfoot, scraps of paper flitter by in the breeze

Memories start appearing before me, rolling along like tumbleweeds.

Like a song it begins, screams and panic and the crackle of fire,

I ran with you, hand in hand choking and crying, I feel my heart rate rise higher.

I pulled you along, down a side street, trying to escape,

But as soon as I saw the way, I knew the gravity of my mistake.

A dead end, hidden in the shadows, backtrack back out into the street,

The screams and stench are closer now, death wafting in the summer heat.

From both directions they came, cutting off all hope,

Boxed in they had us trapped, I looked around for somewhere else to go.

Those monsters ran towards us, devils covered in blood and gore,

Screaming for our death, fear welling up inside me like I'd never felt before.

I grasped the little pistol, out of my pocket I raised it in haste,

Pulled the trigger at unseen enemies, the spent cartridge blown back in my face.

"This way!" you screamed and pulled me away, towards some unseen sanctuary I prayed,

Firing blindly behind me, I followed thinking we would be saved.

An open door, you waited, held it open for me,

I ran inside, left you behind, hoping you would follow on through in close proximity.

You called my name, kept telling me to run on through,

In my shame I did what you said, in the moment without any care for you.

I just wanted to live, just to get away from the horror and fear,

I could hear them in their bloodlust, much too near.

I heard you scream and a gunshot split the air,

Still onward I ran, left you behind. I'm sorry, but in my terror I didn't care.

I just wanted to live, I hope you could forgive, my leaving you that time,

The last time, I never saw you again, I feel like what I did was a crime.

It sends a shiver through my soul, thinking of them eating you whole, meeting your death all alone

Like a swarm of locusts, they descended and devoured, stripping you down to the bone.

I hate myself for what I did, abandoned and forsaken, I betrayed my promise,

To love and to hold, despite whatever misfortune untold, I vowed never to do this.

The ring on my finger feels heavier every day, a reminder of my betrayal,

My selfishness and failure, my curse to never again feel whole.

I made it out, found someone else willing to help, sped me away in a car,

But now I'm back again, after it all passed and then, a wasteland left empty and charred.

The threat is done, the war fought and won and I survived in spite of it all,

I killed and abandoned many others, they fought as I cowered and ran away when the barricade did fall.

I never held my ground, when it all went to shit I could never be found, I am scum, a fucking coward.

I wanted to be brave, a steady hand and I spine I crave, if I had to fight now I would.

But it's too late, myself doomed to hate, when I faced death and was found wanting,

Your screams as you died, and our little baby inside, forever it will now haunt me.

One foot after another, the scene comes closer, I'm where I remember you were,

Searching around, I can feel you somehow, the memories dissipate in a blur.

I see you now, amongst the dirt and the death, a tangled mess of nothing in the gutter,

Underneath the corpse of another, one who does not matter, I find you and begin to sputter.

"I'm sorry, honey." I offer it belatedly, to little and late it seems, but it's all I can muster now,

I break down, on my knees and head down, I offer to make it up to your somehow.

Her charred bones, they tell me she knows, of what I've grappled with inside,

I let it all out, alone in the street I shout, no need for me anymore to hide.

Her hollow eyes look back at me, a skull's laugh mocks and belittles me, shows me exactly what I'd done.

"You killed me and our little baby. You are supposed to be dead not me. Ha ha, are you happy you've won?"

It's then and there I can feel the heavy weight, an instrument of death in my pocket,

I pull it out, its so damn heavy somehow, threatening to pull my arm out of its socket.

That little pistol, one bullet left a signal, it shows me how to atone and find peace,

It pulls itself up to my temple, now it's all so simple, pull the trigger and obtain release.

I close my eyes, I try not to cry, again showing the weakness that cost me before now,

But I feel my wife's pull, in spite of it all, guiding the gun away and back down.

How can she still love me? A mere piles of bones rotting disgustingly, she shows the heart I never had.

"Leave me." She says forgivingly, and with the same fear I turn and stand to go,

I'm so fucking pathetic, even now with no enemy present, I'm still ready to turn and go home.

Left in the gutter to rot, whether I can make it up to her or not, it's time I left her behind me,

I said I'm sorry, what can you expect of someone like me? To survive alone, again in solitary.

My companion stares at me, having waited patiently, it only reminds me of what I'm trying to forget,

"You alright, babe?" she says to me so soothingly, and lays a hand on my shoulder on comfort.

I feel my wife's stare, accuse me now that she is aware, I hoped she wouldn't see this,

Left alone to die, bones bleached white in sunlight, not even a goodbye kiss.

"I'm OK. Let's just get out of here." I tell her, but even as we leave I know one thing's for sure,

Although she's dead, she'll forever be a voice in my head, a sickness without any cure.

I'll just have to try, now that I tried to say goodbye, to forgive myself and forget,

I suppose I've done alright, I'm alive after all, right? Anything's better than being dead.

I pull at my ring, finally it comes off, but leaves a sting, and the little trinket feels heavy in my hands,

I hold it out in the open, I look back at her body then, knowing she can see me, but I don't feel bad.

"Fuck it." I say, and the weight gives way and falls down onto the road.

"Let's get outta here." That's the end of it, my dear. Only the strong survive I'm told.

You died out there, but not because I was scared, but because you weren't strong,

Or smart, you should have known from the start, what I was and our marriage wouldn't last long.

Stepping into the car, I feel the warmth of my new girl not far as she hops in too and smiles,

Perhaps after all, I'm the ones with the balls, to survive whatever the trials.

It's a cut throat world now, no room for romance and bleedings heart old cow, have fun as you rot away to nothing.

Time to me to go home, with my new girlfriend in tow and give her a good old fucking.

You don't want to forgive me? See how much it bothers me, not the slightest inkling of remorse,

Dog eat dog, every man for himself. If it wasn't I'd be dead with you too in due course.

Perhaps it wasn't weakness after all, just my instincts in top gear is all, looks like I did the right thing.

My girl guns the gas, tyres squeal and haul ass as we leave, regretting absolutely nothing.

Goodbye and good riddance. Don't like it? Tough luck and tough titties, that's how the dice happened to roll.

I think now I understand, I just needed to let her know where things now land, I feel relaxed. I feel good. I feel whole.


End file.
